Sometimes we are called to do things that look VERY contrary to "good", common sense. There is no earthly defense of such behavior. There is only the feeble confidence that my wobbly little step of faith honors my heavenly Father whose good opinion should be the only one that matters. I desperately want to experience walking in faith and seeing what sweet gifts that God will provide. It is nearly impossible in my current, comfortable state of American life. There are safety nets everywhere! I suppose it is a continuing of the "test me in this" that I'm taking God up on, but I am fully aware of why it is so hard for the rich man to do this, like getting a camel through the eye of a needle. Choosing to deny resources is hard and seems foolish.
Recently the Church created a beautiful visual display of how blessed I am. With grains of rice standing for individuals around the world they showed simple things like how many people watched the Super Bowl last year versus how many attended the game, how many students are enrolled in our local public school system, how many of those get free or reduced lunches, how many in our city are currently unemployed, etc. Then the rice got heartbreaking. A huge pile of rice showed how many people eat at McDonalds in a given day (my father-in-law might find that heartbreaking in and of itself!) and right beside that there was a huge pile of rice signifying the number of people who died from malnutrition last year. There was a pile for the number of slaves in the world, children in the sex trade, those who died from curable diseases... the list went on. I couldn't help but leave and wonder why I was given such luxury to live in America. Why are my kids so safe? Why do we eat three meals and snacks every day?
I've been asking God to break my heart for the things that break his heart and this rice display is what I was met with. He is slowly loosening my grip on the things of this earth, something I've been praying for. I want to gain his perspective. Two years ago this meant going to Mongolia, this week it meant the Church provided a visual that I connected with. Tomorrow... who knows, but I love that the world around me is beginning to say to me, "This makes no sense." I'll take that as a sign that I might be doing something right! And when my own heart says the same thing, I'm trusting that the Holy Spirit will meet me there again and urge me onward in this journey.