Jethro's Birth Story

40 weeks had come and gone.  41 weeks had come and gone.  Here I was at 42 weeks gestation and staring down an extra ultrasound to make sure my placenta was still doing it's job and that Jethro was still thriving.  I was quite confident that both of us were doing fine, but I was not at peace with the fact that at 42 weeks I'd only had a handful of braxton hicks contractions THE ENTIRE PREGNANCY.  This is not my normal mode of operation.  In the past, I'd always had weeks of on and off contractions in preparation for the big day.  My biggest fear was that my uterus would not be ready to perform.  You can't go to game time without some warm up!  At the very end, I began to wonder if perhaps we missed a trisomy issue that would cause a lack of progression.  But baby was obviously full size and there were no "soft signs" of any problems, so it was a small concern. 

I would like to say I was a patient mama with a soft glow of Godly maturity highlighting my countenance... but I wasn't.  By 41 weeks I was ready to try to prompt at least a few rounds of contractions even if that meant not actually starting labor.  I tried a regimen of black and blue cohosh and castor oil among myriads of other "natural" ways to start labor.  I got one hour of contractions that day while I rode the quad around hitting all the bumps.  That was it.  Discouraging to say the least.  Days later I felt like I needed a break to talk to God and be alone.  So, while the kids put on a movie, I took to the quad again.  Unexpectedly the Lord confronted me with several internal issues that needed dealing with.  I felt a need to release several things that I had not forgiven over the years.  At first there were just some obvious, more current hurts that I needed to forgive, but then it was like a flood gate opened and I realized how much I was holding on to, little hurts and offenses that I sort of set aside but that were building up as resentment within me.  This was not what I was searching for on my afternoon ride but quite clearly it was something that needed to be dealt with.  When the tears were too much, I parked the quad in the back field and wept out forgiveness to, um... just about everyone.  Wow.  I didn't know it was in there.  A lot of it was forgotten to my conscience but, as it came out, the release was huge.  I begged God to forgive me for holding on to all this and was so grateful that this healing moment, as unflattering as it was, would forever be apart of Jethro's birth story.  I came back to the house much lighter internally, but with no contractions.  However, I knew that my heart was prepared to labor freely and completely when the time came. 

Two days later, at 42 weeks, we needed to schedule that ultrasound and so I gave it one more shot with caster oil and a few other "natural" labor inducers in order to avoid 2 hours in the car and the cost of an ultrasound that I knew would reveal perfect health.  By midnight I was up with non-labor contractions, really just cramping from the caster oil.  This woke me every hour or so and by 3am I needed to be up and walk around and to visit the commode periodically.  Lovely.  Slowly but surely, the contractions did begin to change into uterine contractions and I was hopeful that we might have gotten something started.  At 5am I sent text messages to my dear friends who would need extra time to come attend the birth if possible.  I said, "Just a heads up.  I've been having contractions and I think today's the day.  I'll let you know in a bit."  About a half hour later I called the midwife and talked and laughed with her that maybe things were happening today.  She had a few of us "overdue" and currently due and I just wanted to get first in line if possible.  Selfish I know.  She said she'd take a shower and eat and start to head our way.  As soon as we hung up I was hit with a genuine labor contraction and I wished that I hadn't been so "aww, take your time" about things on the phone.  I asked Andrew to fill up the tub and he got to work on that, as well as patching a small hole he found, then he called my mom so she could start coming as well.  I walked around the house trying to keep the steady contraction ball rolling in the right direction and it definitely was.  I also needed to post to facebook that I was having contractions; so many people had been praying for us and I knew would continue to do so through this labor and delivery.  I probably got into the tub around 6am.  It was just Andrew and I there.  He called my dad to come watch the kids in a couple hours.  (I knew we didn't have hours but I didn't want people there too early.)  I told the kids, "It's not time yet" and sent them to start a movie downstairs.  At first it was "laboring as usual" as I began to survive the early contractions before transition and pushing, but then some thoughts hit me that changed everything. 

Several weeks before, a friend had posted about pain in labor and how it is different than regular pain.  Labor pain is the pain of working.  It is how God designed our bodies to work with us to get our babies out of our bodies.  It isn't something to be fought.  It's to be worked with.  I had also discussed with the midwife and her apprentice about natural adrenal drops called "rescue remedy".  Essentially these help when your body is beginning to "freak out" so that you can relax and get back to work.  For example, if you started to hyperventilate or shake, essentially panic, that might be a good time for rescue remedy.  I suppose before that extreme response it might be good, too, but this was just my tiny take on it.  They told me a couple of stories where, after rescue remedy, the women were able to relax and calmly labor on for a wonderful, peaceful birth.  I realized that I could achieve the same effect by mentally choosing not to enter emergency mode and to avoid stimulating a "fight or flight" adrenal response (which I so eloquently called "freak out" earlier).  Just like when the kids are hurt and I flip the mental switch so I remain calm and thinking and can respond appropriately.  Just like when I deal with angry people and flip the switch so I'm able to respond without being touched by their anger.  I knew this would be key in laboring better as well.  I would need to identify the time when I was conditioned to respond as if it were an emergency and flip the switch from a kind of fear mode to "time to be patient and work with my body" mode. 

So I settled down in the tub, with a cold wash cloth in hand, and just felt my body working.  It was amazing.  Eyes closed, I would rub my face, neck and chest with the cold cloth through the most intense contractions, often gently rubbing my tight belly and sometimes quietly whispering "down, down, down", breathing in deeply through my nose at the beginning and exhaling through my mouth, to encourage relaxation. If I felt baby move I would pray for God to position him just right for an easy delivery.  As the contraction relaxed I would just melt back against Andrew's knees and wait quietly for the next one.  I welcomed each contraction and could truly feel it moving baby down.  Breaks felt so long between contractions but I was at peace with the timing and the work that was being accomplished.  Soon I felt the very end of one of the contractions draw out a need to push from within me.  The next contraction did the same.  The progress was amazing.  We were here, at the threshold of pushing, and I had relaxed through the entire thing.  It was around this time that I heard the midwife arrive.  Andrew stood to go greet her at the door but I whispered not to leave, she knew the way.  I heard him tell her we probably had a couple hours.  I whispered, "He's coming soon."  The apprentice arrived next and I had a few more pushing contractions.  She tried to check for baby's heartbeat to see how he was responding to labor but he's always been hard to find due to the placenta being attached in the front.  A friend who was bringing her camera with her was the next to arrive and she began setting up.  The girls popped in to check on me and one of them encouraged me, "You're doing good mom."  I could only respond that it wasn't time yet.  At the advice of my midwife I rolled over to my knees so we could insure baby's cord wasn't being compressed.  Just a few minutes later my mom arrived and I was already actively pushing.  I could feel baby moving down but, as I checked on my progress, could not feel his head yet.  Also, I had not felt my water break.  The midwife helped with stretching and guiding baby's head down.  He took his time.  His head came through broadly centered, rather than tipped, with the back of the head leading, so it was a lot of work and explains why I couldn't feel him crowning and probably part of why I didn't have any braxton hicks.  I put all my energy and focus into pushing and did not vocally express as much as I have in the past.  Finally his head was out.  I heard encouragement to keep working hard.  I had to keep pushing to get his broad shoulders through as well.  Finally he slipped out and the midwife passed him to me between my legs.  She told me to grab my baby.  I was so relaxed even though I was working so hard.  I grabbed him and pulled him up. 

For the first time I didn't feel the need to ask if he was alright.  I was so confident of the process, I just savored him and rubbed his little body all over.  He was covered in thick vernix.  I've never had such a buttery baby!  He cried just a bit and I held him in the water, trying to keep him warm and just admiring what God had been up to these past 42 weeks.  "Get the kids" was the first thing I said.  We left the cord attached until it was thoroughly done pulsing and he got all that good oxygen filled blood into his body.  I have no idea when my water broke.  I've always felt it break in labor.  In the hospital of course they broke my water to "speed things up".  With Jack it broke as he was being born.  I wonder if maybe my water broke days before as I had noticed a little trickling from time to time, but still, I felt no gush at any time and my fluid levels were good.  It's a mystery.

This labor and delivery were a pure miracle to me.  A blessing, a gift... I wish every woman could experience it.  Complete confidence, peace...  I've delivered 6 babies before Jethro.  I know that it was much different this time because of the change in me.  There is a night and day difference between home birthing and hospital birthing, so much so that it's hard to even begin to explain to people.  But even beyond that, there was such a benefit to understanding and embracing the process of birth and controlling my emotional response which affects the physical adrenal response.  God's presence was evident as he led me through the entire thing.

So, the worst parts of this birth were, first, delivering the HUGE placenta.  It was basically another small child only uglier and interrupting my time with Jethro.  Also, I believe because I had taken the caster oil before bed, and my body had eliminated all food reserves by morning, I threw off my blood sugar.  I was having severe cramping for after pains, much worse than I've ever had in the past.  I felt weak and shortly I was unable to hold Jethro or even really sit up.  I was not losing a lot of blood but I was definitely "off".  All I knew was that something was wrong.  I asked the midwife to check my blood sugar, I was sure it was low, even after eating apples and peanut butter and a scone to try to get my energy up.  In fact, my blood sugar was high, probably my body compensating for lack of food during labor.  I cancelled my order for orange juice and asked for cottage cheese (Nancy's cottage cheese THE BEST EVER!!).  Within in just a few bites I was revived and feeling great.  Cramps became a normal level, just regular after birth pain and not as frequent.  I could enjoy my newborn again and get on to all the measurements and checking him out.  He was 9 lbs even and 21 1/2" long.

When it was all said and done the midwife said Jethro was not an overdue baby and would have been fine in there another week even.  Due to the physical response I had afterward, I don't think I will use caster oil again in the future.  I think I'll trust the process and wait for his time completely.  (Remind me of this at 42 weeks next time!!).  I loved her comment in the end, "Some babies just cook longer."  He was perfectly done and has been a content, peaceful baby.

Welcome to the world Jethro Asher Daniel Nordstrom.  We love you so much!

Slow and steady wins the race.

Jethro... meaning His excellence, his posterity, overflowing, abundance... over and above!  Thank you Lord!  This has been so true of his birth and his life so far.

Asher... meaning happy, blessed.  You are so content and bring much happiness to our family.  Truly a blessing!

Daniel... meaning God is my judge.  May you always remember that it is God's good opinion and judgement that matters most.

Waiting and Blessings

I got up before the sun today in order to walk quietly with God and try to hear his voice and direction regarding this pregnancy, Jethro, what to do to start labor.  Farms are noisy, so I wasn't really "alone" with God.  One thing that's encouraging is that God knows Jethro's birthday already.  Right now he is completely fulfilling his purpose and is in complete obedience to God.  He is fearfully and wonderfully made and God knows that as his creator.  My job is to follow Him as well and wait on His time.

I wanted to write out a blessing for each of the kids.  Andrew gets to give us all a blessing at our more complete Sabbath dinners.  It's powerful each time.

Josiah:  May God continue to grow you in strength and boldness.  May you look beyond what's right in front of you to see what God's vision is for you in his grand plan and may you readily join him in accomplishing it.  May you be sensitive to the needs of others and allow them to be honored and cared for above yourself as you know your value and protection lies in God alone. 

Mia:  May God continue to grow you in fearlessness and sensitivity.  May you quickly become alert to the needs of others and use your gifts and talents to bless them, as well as to be used by God in accomplishing his purposes.  May you never doubt the beauty, strength and intelligence God has blessed you with and may it always sprout from the inside out and be of such substance that it never fades.

Sierra:  May God continue to grow you in enthusiasm and joy.  May you be quick to share your love with others as you fully experience how loved you are.  May you be known for thoroughly completing the tasks God calls you to.  May you never doubt the beauty, strength and intelligence God has blessed you with and may it always sprout from the inside out and be of such substance that it never fades.


Eliza:  May God continue to grow you in kindness and love.  May you learn to love unconditionally, as God does, and to discover your gifts and talents and use them for the glory of God.  May you continue to be quick to smile and forgive.  May you never doubt the beauty, strength and intelligence God has blessed you with and may it always sprout from the inside out and be of such substance that it never fades.   Jack:  May God continue to grow you in determination and kindness.  May you be able to discern what God's perfect will is and quick to obey him.  May you be sensitive to the needs of others and allow them to be honored and cared for above yourself as you know your value and protection lies in God alone.


Jethro:  May God continue to grow in you a heart of obedience that always waits on his perfect timing.  May you follow after God with your whole heart, never turning to the left or to the right.  May you be sensitive to the needs of others and allow them to be honored and cared for above yourself as you know your value and protection lies in God alone.

After the kids, Andrew does a blessing for me.  Often, I'm moved to tears.  Hearing him speak of me so kindly and express the value of my role and then lift me up before the Lord... it is huge.  Sometimes he reads from Proverbs 31 and I am inspired to fulfil his words, rather than aware of how far I fall short.  It's a powerful time as I said before.  And so, I bless my husband.

Andrew:  May God continue to grow in you strength, fearlessness and determination.  He has used those traits to provide for our family and lead us into beautiful new stages of life.  May you know your value to us, but more importantly, your value to Him.  May you see God's vision for you, for the family and for your work and may you fully embrace it for His glory.  May your heart be responsive to God like David's, your faith as strong as Job's, your heritage as rich as Abraham's and your courage like Daniel's. 

God you are good, you are generous, slow to anger, abounding in love.  Use our family for your glory.  Help us to follow you wherever you lead and to bless others all along the way.

Waiting for Our Overflow

It's always fun to blog right before and right after a big change.  I like comparing my thoughts and feelings before and after and knowing that God already knew the exact outcome from the beginning.  We've had a lot of change in the last year with a quick, unexpected move to a new town and meeting new people, finding a new church and co-op, learning new things about God's Word and following him to new and unexpected places and... expecting a new baby.  With this pregnancy there was so much else going on I sort of put it on the back burner. It takes a while to grow a human being so I knew I had time and we'd cross each bridge as we got to it.  Praises all the way along as we found out he is a healthy baby boy and the pregnancy has gone quite smoothly.  The kids are again thrilled to be adding another sibling.  Sierra is additionally excited that she will officially have a buddy to watch out for now.  I am so blessed to be able to have the same midwife that I had with Jack and we hope to be birthing at home any day now.  The EDD (estimated due date, which puts you in the middle of 38-42 weeks which is a normal gestation period) has come and gone but I can feel that we're close.  At my appointment yesterday we put together our "go" plan which does serve it's purpose practically but also just keeps me sane so I have something to do besides just wait for our boy's arrival.  My plan includes drinking a parsley "tea" to raise my iron levels, taking extra vitamin C and chlorophyll to help combat any possible group beta strep, taking evening primrose oil orally and internally to soften the cervix, cleaning the house Friday and scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees, I added scrubbing carpet stains just for good measure, an epsom salt soak for the magnesium to help with swelling which has been bad this year while we enjoy spectacularly warm weather, drinking red raspberry leaf tea to support my uterus in all the work it'll be doing and to follow all this with a rest on Saturday.  The "plan" is to go into labor Saturday night and have the baby on Mother's Day.  So, doesn't that sound great.  I'll post his birth story after he's come and hopefully I'll remember to actually click 'post' so it doesn't sit for two years!  (Poor Jack.)

A Letter of Welcome to our #7...
Dear Jethro,
God is so good to bless us with you.  You are the first baby where I was pretty confident that you would be a boy and I was right... unless there is a surprise in store!!  Your name means abundance or overflowing and it fits so well.  I am not worthy to receive this overflowing blessing of another child but I am so very grateful for it.  I can't wait to see your sweet face and cuddle your tiny body, to watch you grow and change so quickly.  My biggest fear is the number of people in the family that want to hold you... will I get enough time?  This will be our first time with brothers so close in age, just less than two years, and I expect that will add some new dynamics to the family.  Our life is full of farm adventures, hard work and rich blessings.  We spend lots of time together and I can't wait to add you to all this.  Our new church family has literally flooded you and me with gifts of welcome.  You will definitely be fashionable and your feet won't get cold either!  This year many little fruit trees were planted and when I think of them growing right along side you it thrills me.  You will be our sixth child at home, Lord willing, and I think that is wonderful.  We are ready for you sweet boy.  You can come at any time.
Love you already,
your mama

Homebirth... Take Two!! Jack's Birth Story 2011

It was Tuesday, June 7th, and I was experiencing definite labor contractions but with no consistent rhythm, sometimes 5 minutes apart, then 8 minutes, then 4 or even 3 minutes.  Grrrr!  What was this?  Not wanting a repeat of the last minute rush I had when birthing Eliza, I decided to fake the confident response and text and call my support team and the midwife.  "Don't come, this is just a heads up.  I think he's coming tonight."  Ok, fine, deep inside I was hoping that acting like I was sure he was coming would help prompt him to really come.  Well, within a couple of hours things had slowed down significantly and I was concerned that perhaps I spoke to soon.  It was nearing 9pm so I told the kids to go ahead and go to bed, we'd wake them if it was truly time.  I called the midwife and told her that things had slowed down and also that I was feeling movement "down low" which made me wonder if he had his hands above his head which might impede or prolong labor.  She decided to come over to evaluate for herself.  See, this is how it's supposed to go with a midwife.  They take care of you.  How wonderful.  Normally we don't "check" progress in labor as opposed to when I was with a doctor who needed to know if there was any dialation from 38 weeks on.  Brother, talk about a set up!  You can be 3cm for weeks or you can go from 0 to 10cm in just a few short hours.  There is no point in "checking" and potentially introducing bacteria to the birth canal.  That is unless there is a point, like determining the baby's position or if their hands are above their heads.  The midwife came and pushed my very pregnant belly around feeling the position that Jack was in and determining where his head was.  Head down, praise the Lord, but not down in the pelvis like impending birth requires.  Then she did the check.  I was 3cm I believe but what was more insightful was that his hand was indeed above his head.  Darn!  This will be a tough labor unless some things change.  She moved him around a bit again and this time felt his head drop down into the pelvis, into position to potentially move things along.  We discussed my options.  She said I could go to the hospital, get pitocin and pound him out, after all he was ready.  Or, we could wait and it may take hours or even a week or two for him to work his way down with his hand wanting to be above his head like that.  In the meantime, I could lay with my hips up to try to gravitate him back up and then lay on my left side to try to get him to turn in the direction away from his hand so he would pull it away from his head.  Hmm, hips up for weeks hoping or pound him out?  I have done pitocin four times and I knew I wasn't going to pound any more babies out.  So we wait... and pray. 
Since I knew his head was currently down I decided just to stay on my left side and hope for a slight rotation and the continuation of labor.  I posted to faceb**k asking for prayer that Jack would get in the right position for labor.  Several responses came back.  What a blessing to be joined by prayer warriors during labor.  Two hours later I couldn't stay in bed any longer.  It was 11:30pm and the contractions were keeping me awake and were very uncomfortable.  It was not consistent and I had long breaks in between contractions, 5 minutes usually, still I decided to call the midwife and ask what she thought.  Labor or not she said she'd come and just sleep on my couch if things were not progressing.  At this point I really wanted the comfort of the birthing tub but was so worried it would all be in vain and a waste of the warm water that I would want in "real" labor.  But Andrew said to go for it, so we filled 'er up.  I made the mistake of telling him to make it bathwater warm and forgot how hot the water he bathes in is.  OUCH!  It was so hot I was uncomfortable and begging for more cold.  Just like last time, as soon as I got in the pool labor slowed even more and I just relaxed.  But, when contractions came, they were killers.  I decided to call my mom and my friend, who were my support people, so they could start coming.  When the midwife arrived she said as soon as she heard me laboring she knew this was it and she called her two apprentices whom I had met at previous appointments.  I was thrilled that things were happening yet still able to relax between contractions.  This was odd.
Everyone arrived in good time and I was able to discuss how and when to video, when to get the kids, how things were going.  I had several awesome differences with this labor.  One was that I was able to communicate my needs to Andrew and my other support people better.  In the past I could hear in my head what I needed but could not verbalize.  I mentioned that to the midwife at one of my appointments and she said that's fairly normal.  This time I could do it though.
Another wonderful difference was that the midwife added aromatherapy oils to the water.  AWESOME!!!  Between contractions I could actually imagine I was at the spa preparing for a massage.  Ahhh.  That was wonderful.  Lights were kept low and voices quiet.  It was my space as I labored on my knees in the now warm water while leaning over on Andrew's lap and gripping his shirt for relief.  As in the past I was very vocal through first stage contractions but as I hit transition the midwife offered a suggestion of putting all my effort into pushing.  It's wonderful to learn how to effectively labor.  The first stage of labor is to be survived through and all my effort is put into helping contractions be effective while managing the pain, which for me means a verbal outburst and squeezing wash cloths, tshirts, bedding that happens to be nearby, my dear hubby's hand, etc.  It also means a cold wash cloth to my forhead between contractions and two handed, firm massage on my shoulders during.  Despite the pain all things were just as I needed them.  Transition is a time to start working.  The urge to push becomes overwhelming and all energies should be put towards that pushing.  So as this phase started she encouraged me this way.
Another difference in this labor is that I had not had my water break yet.  Water breaking in the past had meant baby was coming soon.  In the hospital it was a tool to "get things going" and they always broke my bag of waters.  At my first homebirth I experienced spontanious breaking while in the birthing tub and at that point labor really got moving quickly.  So this time, in my mind, I had a long way to go since my water had not broken and because I believed that Jack would be a 10lb baby and would take some work to get him out.  The midwife, hearing the change in me and knowing I was in transition, made her suggestion of focus and effort and checked for Jack's head.  Then she said these magic words, "Baby is right there just waiting for you to push him out."  Hold the phone!!  He's waiting for me?  That was all I needed to hear.  Andrew said I must have needed the challenge.  He's never been in labor before.  I believe that is challenge enough, but he had a point.  At that time I put all effort into pushing my baby out, water broken or not.  I know babies had been born in the caul, meaning the bag of waters never broke before birth, and that would be fine.  I also knew that since I knew he was so big I'd better get to work.  After this check and fateful comment, the midwife turned around to dry her hands and when she turned back... wha-la!  Baby Jack was here.  I made no short work of it.  My dear friend who had the video camera at the ready was shocked as well.  She was barely able to catch the manuver that enabled me to deliver my own baby.  Since I was on my knees when I birthed Eliza and the pool was bigger, Andrew was in with me caught her as she came behind me then he lifted her up out of the water.  But because I was on my knees facing away, I was unable to see her until we awkwardly got all turned around.  That was one thing I wanted to change this time around.  For me, it is very effective and as comfortable as one can be in labor to be up on my knees, but baby tends to exit to the back.  The midwife and I decided that if this birthing position happened again she would push baby up to me through my legs so I could be the one to lift him up.  This is exactly how things unfolded.  She quickly gave him a little push and I grabbed him up to my chest and sat down laughing and crying.  He was gorgeous and so... new.  I love that squishy, wet, brand new baby moment.  His little eyes blinking, ears hearing sounds clearly for the first time, experiencing air pressure and freedom of movement... what a moment.  He was quiet at first but then found his lungs and took quite a while to settle down.  He had come so quickly, I was sure I had a long time ahead of working to getting him out but no, here he was.  The bag of waters actually broke as he was on his way out. 
Again, thinking I had lots of time, I told everyone not to have the kids come in while I was working so hard (all the kids wanted to witness their brother's birth).  I didn't want them to witness a long period of effort and pain so told everyone to wait before getting them.  My first words after picking Jack up were "get the kids!"  For me time stood still.  I felt as though I looked from the face of my newborn up to the four older siblings in one moment.  They were all standing there, jammie clad, in awe of the this new life.  Obviously there was a minute or two for dad to go up the hall to get them, but when he arrived they were all standing by their bedroom doors waiting.  They had heard me laboring and were waiting for their summons. 
Welcome Alexander Dakota Jack born on June 8th at 3:52am!!  And there we were, a family of 7, so blessed.  What joy that the kids could interact with their brother from just seconds old.  Eliza took a little while to grasp the idea that Jack was now a small person rather than a large, round belly on her mother.  As soon as she got that understanding, she was in line for the holding and helping just like the others.  Josiah got to cut the umbilical cord.  We waiting for quite a while until it had stopped pulsing, then tied it off and big brother did the snip.  10 years Jack's senior, I experienced in that moment that my first born son was much closer to being a man than a little boy.  He took such pride in the responsibility.  I had flash backs of my husband snipping his cord 10 years ago and wondered how many of his own children's cords Josiah will snip one day.  It's hard to believe how quickly time flies.  In just a blink, Jack will be 10 and Josiah will be 20 and I'll probably have a more prominant "crown of glory"! 
It took a while to deliver the placenta.  This was my most painful 3rd stage yet but as soon as it came I felt relief.  Jack was eager to nurse and weighed in at 7lbs 4oz, so much for my 10lb-er, he was my smallest except for Faith.  He was 20 inches long.

The Ultrasound & a Birthday Party With Baby's Gender Reveal

Saturday we went for the long awaited ultrasound, a little peek into what God has been quietly doing inside me for 20 weeks. Andrew took the day off and the doctor was willing to come in on the weekend in order to make it work for both of us. I chose a naturopathic doctor, who does the ultrasound right in their natural childbirth clinic and can diagnose immediately. A natural childbirth clinic is a great choice for people who are not quite ready to embrace the wonderful comfort and empowerment of a full blown homebirth, but want to take a step towards trusting their bodies and the birth process. (ok, ok, no more plugs for homebirth, onto the story) The ultrasound went picture perfect, a true blessing. The doctor spoke to me as we went along and told me what he was looking for and why, and then, praise the Lord, that everything looked great. He was kind and even talked to the baby as if they were face to face. I had him write the gender on a piece of paper which I planned to reveal at Eliza's 2 year old birthday party the next day. He folded it up and put a paper clip on it. I was on such a high, considering the health of the baby, that it didn't even phase me to be holding the answer to the gender question in an unsecured piece of paper.
Saturday was a full schedule with running up to Portland, juggling the babysitter back home, running back for lunch, off to a basketball game, a quick swim, then off to Church and a very late dinner. Phew!! I didn't want to lose my ultrasound pictures and, of course, the precious gender paper, so I put them on the bar in plain sight, since we'd be gone all day, then I ran off to return the sitter home while Andrew fed the kids and got them ready for the next part of the day. When I returned, not thirty minutes later, I immediately saw the storm surrounding Josiah.

"What is wrong with you?"

"I hate when the girls ruin things for me!"

"What happened?"

"Mia opened up the ultrasound paper and told us what we're having."

Noooooooooo!!! My perfectly crafted plan! The party tomorrow! How will the girls, who couldn't keep a secret in our family, not tell the world before our party? You know, I have very persuasive friends who can read me like a book and I will see them at Church! How can I keep a secret? No, no no!!! This was not the plan people!

Later that night when I generically mentioned this situation to a man at our church who has four children he said, "Yep! That's life with a big family, it never goes as planned." He's right you know, and actually I'm the better for it because life doesn't really go as planned anyway, but we can't help but think it does, at least until we've been a hit a few times. With several kiddos you're just reminded of this fact daily, hourly sometimes!

So I said to my obviously disappointed son, "I'm guessing we're getting a girl based on the frown on your face."

"No, I just didn't want to find out that way."

No? Then it must be a... "Aaaaaaggghhh!!! It's a boy!!!" I shrieked with sudden understanding and delight. That was how I found out that our newest bundle of joy would be a little man. It's been nearly 10 years and my initial emotional response holds true even now, "Do I remember how to raise a baby boy?" Andrew assures me that the only difference is you've got to blow in the diaper first, then wait a few seconds before the change. Got it.

Josiah's comment was fitting, "I still can't believe it's a boy. I thought you forgot how to make them." Oh, God is good, His timing is perfect, but I was beginning to have that same thought myself!

So, I lied my way through basketball and then, *gulp* church. Nice. I tried to be tricky with my answers so as to avoid an actual lie while still not admitting that I did know the gender, but I'm pretty sure I lied to at least a few. Sorry about that folks, it must be the pregnancy hormones that made me do it. :)

Since we were celebrating Eliza's birthday, my big reveal plan was to have her choose between a blue ribboned stuffed animal and a pink ribboned stuffed animal, as I did with Sierra when I was pregnant with Eliza. I'd open the note, whisper in her ear which animal to go get, and it'd be this fun reveal that she would be in charge of. This was a less attractive option now because I'm just not a good faker, and I would have to pretend to read the note or admit up front that we already knew, yada yada yada. (As I'm typing now, I'm thinking really it wasn't that big of a deal and I should have just gone with it, but pregnant brains don't always function normally and, again, I think I'll claim the hormones made me abandon ship.) So, I decided to make Eliza's birthday cake white and add blue food coloring, then we'd cut into it for the big reveal. No blue food coloring left. DOH! I found some blue m-n-m's and figured some of their shells would rub off enough to leave a blue tinge but it didn't spread through the cake and wasn't really enough to show much so I went with plan... what are we on now... C. I put a blue candle and a pink candle on the cake, perfect since Eliza is 2. I told everyone the candle that I lit first was the gender of the baby. So we enthusiastically sang "Happy Birthday" to Eliza and, as she began to get overwhelmed and shy, I lit the blue candle which erupted a large cheer of celebration and sent her into full blown crying and the inability to actually blow the candles out. Thankfully she has older siblings that know the drill and they jumped in to help her. Phew!!
I confessed to everyone the events of Saturday and we all had a good chuckle over it. There were a few there that were in on the news ahead of time as well. Let's just say that a couple of us in this family have our weak spots and that next time (hey, I'm not ruling it out) I'll make sure to put the note in a sealed envelope and I think I'll keep it in my bra!!

***Happy birthday Eliza! I love you like crazy!! I'm so glad we were finally healthy and able to celebrate your day. Just think, next year this time your little brother will probably be crawling all over.***

Birthday #1

It must be hard to be the fourth child but WOW! so much fun, too. Poor Eliza didn't get a blog post on her birthday or one following her party either. But she is much loved and I'd like to share a few pictures from her special day.

We followed our tradition of dedicating our children to the Lord on their one year birthday. Our pastor Steve and his wife Trina came out to the house, as well as family and some good friends. It was also the day several of our pastor's kids went back to college after the Christmas break so I felt like his prayer and his heart were particularly knowing since they've been there themselves and are further down the road. We were blessed!

Here's Eliza with her friend Berlin. They're only 3 months apart (Eliza's older!). Isn't that cute, they're holding hands!

Around the party table ou can see cousin Mackenzie, Mia and her friend Olivia, and Eliza still enjoying her cake.

Gramma Linda helped Eliza open her presents which we finally remembered to get to after almost everybody had left.

I love you sweet child of mine. God is generous in giving us you, my beautiful, wished for child. You are such a joy and gift to our family. You sure do keep me on my toes climbing on everything and running all over the house. Phew! I can't imagine what the future holds for you with your determination.

Love

In honor of Valentine's Day I thought I'd ponder love today. My understanding of love has changed through the years. Romantic love began as an ideal I created. I was completely in control of how Barbie and Ken interacted. As I got older, I tossed around lots of "shoulds" that I thought would create a perfect man and therefore a perfect relationship. A man should take out the garbage daily and work from 8am-5pm, arriving just before dinner to help get the family settled around for the meal. He should lead the family in Bible study and prayer, gathering everyone quietly around the living room, shortly before bed. He should buy flowers on special occasions and even not so special ones, too. He should treat his wife like a princess... a queen even! The list went on.
But as I grew into a real relationship, reality challenged that ideal. I realized I had a choice to either hold on to those ideals and become bitter with frustration and disappointment or allow myself and my love to be purified.

The Bible says one of the curses of Eve's apple eating flub up was that she would desire her husband and he would rule over her. (Now how am I going to get my "shoulds" taken care of that way?!). But, I set about working hard to mold my husband into who he should be from my perspective. I tried gently nudging him towards this mold with subtle hints and loving suggestions for "improvement". When this didn't work I tried everything else: yelling, crying, nagging, "helpful" books, marriage conferences, relationship retreats, etc. etc..

One day I landed on the video series "Love and Respect". This was the first time that I had ever heard that men have a different need than women in a relationship. I recognized my need for love but he was just as adamant that his need was for my respect. Well, with this new information, I realized how far short I had fallen for him as a wife. I decided to work on myself first... and then get back to my man perfecting practices.
Strangely, each time I chose to respect him, to give him room to be himself, to answer gently instead of sarcastically, to allow him to lead his way, etc. etc. it was as if my eyes were opened more and more to the amazing man that was already there. I have realized over the past couple of years that I am becoming more appreciative of art, God's art, creatively displayed in different human beings that do not fit into molds, even within my marriage. I'm so grateful that I began on this new path because it applies to parenting and friendships and working with people in general.
I decided to take this practice of respect to the basketball court. Andrew volunteered to coach Josiah's basketball team this year. You should know that I am the basketball player in the family. I knew that nothing he would do as a coach would be how I would do it. Just as we are polar opposite in every other part of our personalities, we would approach coaching differently, too. I also knew that a critical attitude would ruin the experience for everyone: him, Josiah, and probably the team. So I decided that I would not watch practices, this would limit my opportunities to be critical to just games and I thought I could manage to have tongue control once a week. I'm sure you can guess the out come. First of all, they're all having fun! I knew it. Josiah thinks it's so cool to have his dad as his coach. Second of all, players and parents are happy and praising their coach after every game and practice. In fact it's getting a little overboard... "alright already!" :) Thirdly, other parents on other teams are coming to him telling him what a great job he's doing. (I'm trying not to take this personally, after all they've never seen me coach. HA!) It's amazing how such a seemingly small role, coaching your kid's team, is making such a big impact in people's lives.
So, there is one other benefit that I've gotten to enjoy as a result of my original choice. I'm basking in the glory of being "that guy's" wife. Proverbs 31:23 says, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." It's odd that in the middle of this section about a noble wife, there is a passage about her husband. But I believe her respect for him and her behavior allows him to fulfill all that God has planned for him. She really could make or break him. And, because of his position "at the gate", it is a reflection upon her. I was constantly reminded of this little verse this season and it's been exciting to watch how it all unfolds. Glad I didn't interfere!!

Prayer and "This Kind" of Problem

Yesterday I read this interesting passage in the Bible: Mark 9:14-29 (New International Version). I'm just going to post the story it tells right here and get on to my own story at the end.

The Healing of a Boy with an Evil Spirit
14When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. 15As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.
16"What are you arguing with them about?" he asked.

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."

19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."

20So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

21Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"

"From childhood," he answered. 22"It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

25When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."

26The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

28After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

29He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer."

I've been slowly reading my way through the book of Mark. I do all personal study slowly these days. I've gotten to follow along with Jesus as he's done so many healings and miracles. It's been spectacular! There is a ton of great stuff in this passage, too, but the part that stood out to me was the disciples little question at the end. Jesus had given them the power to heal yet this little boy stumped them. "Why couldn't we drive it out?" Essentially, "Why couldn't we take care of it ourselves? We've done it before!" Jesus enlightens them to the ways of the world he created, "This kind can come out only by prayer." This problem is for me, bring it to me, let me show you how easily I can handle it.
I'm almost ashamed to admit my personal application here but I hope it encourages you! When Josiah was a baby and we were dealing with that awful fatigue that first time parents have to adjust to, I noticed that every night Andrew and I would plead with the Lord, "Please let him sleep through the night so we can get some rest." What happened instead was we adjusted to less sleep and learned to train him to sleep through the night. There was no miracle sleep that happened but eventually we learned how to get through that time. Things worked the same for every baby that came along. I noticed we didn't pray for sleeping babies anymore and I began to laugh at myself and those silly "new parent prayers". I had even begun telling new parents that there was no point in praying for your baby to sleep through the night, God's given us tactics and your body will adjust.
Eliza was born a great sleeper. What a blessing! But she was also born an early riser and it's really worn on this night owl! I did everything I could to train her out of it and adjusted as far as I could. I'd fallen into the routine of pulling her into bed with us, nursing her, and then we'd try to catch some sleep while she wiggled around between us and played with whatever safe objects I could find nearby. Putting her back in bed after nursing usually ended with her crying and it would often wake Sierra up, so the problem would be multiplied. We're only talking a couple hours extra sleep that I needed and surely she would begin to sleep later eventually, right? Still, I needed those extra hours sleep. I realized this morning, as I was again nursing her so early, that perhaps this one required prayer. So, I presented the problem to the Lord and requested the moon!

"Lord, give Eliza a quieted spirit, remove from her the spirit of restlessness
and discontent. Calm her so that when I put her back in her bed she will
stay asleep and sleep past 7:30am and when she wakes give her a cheerful
demeanor."

This morning I woke at 8:00am to sweet babbling! I knew that God was revealing himself to me and reminding me that He is in control of EVERYTHING. He cares for me, but the world is so much bigger that ME. I felt so encouraged to continue to bring everything before him in prayer because "this kind" may find it's solution "only through prayer" despite all my previous best efforts.

Choose Peace

We are approaching our 1 year anniversary in this house. When we were looking for a home after our house sold we chose this place because we would not have to sign a lease. The house was for sale and this meant we would be living on a month to month basis. We trusted God would have us here as long has he needed us here, and then he would move us on. In the meantime I was 7 months pregnant with three young kids to care for, and pack for! At that time I consciously made the decision not to worry about how long we would live here or where we would go next if it sold. Those things I would deal with as they came up. Instead, I chose peace. Being one who prefers a good, solid plan this was definitely not a natural response - though each time I choose this it gets easier! I just felt a strong prompting that I would miss out on a lot of joy if I spent my time worrying.

I recently came across some old notes from one of the "planning/dreaming" sessions Andrew and I had together several years ago. Year after year when we would talk about our ideal living situation, we always wrote the same things: a few acres for some farm animals, room to host people, in the country but not far from people. I can't believe we are living that dream right now and at a time when we couldn't have achieved this for ourselves. I have also learned that, for now, it's good to be renting because it reminds me that this is not mine, it is a gift, for a time.

So today I just want to praise the Lord for a year of worry-free blessing.

Thank you for the large house where so many people have been able to come and
stay with us. Thank you for the fruit trees that we've enjoyed.
Thank you for the space to enjoy farm animals and for the kids to be kids.
Thank you for the layout of the house which fully matches our family.
Thank you for the view, which is just a cherry on top.

I also want to pray for the future.

Lord, only you know how long we'll be here and what comes next. In the meantime, help us to use this place for purposes more than just our own enjoyment. May people be blessed when they come here! AMEN!

A Yes Day! part 3

Malachi 3:6-17 Robbing God

6 "I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. 7 Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty. "But you ask, 'How are we to return?' 8 "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. "But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' "In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. 12 "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty. 13 "You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD. "Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?' 14 "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? 15 But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' " 16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name. 17 "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.

This was the passage that prompted me to follow through with what I felt the Holy Spirit had been calling me to. I promised to share with you how our storehouses were flooded today. You know, to begin with, I'm embarrassed to say that our storehouses are already overflowing. I live in America. I have freedom, if I had no food the welfare system would provide food for me and there are countless organizations around to shelter us if we had no place to live. We have a military that protects us, good health care, and a fair judicial system. I can vote for our leaders! And let's not get into how many freedoms I enjoy. Personally, I have friends and family that love and care for us, eggs every day, chicken we could eat, and fruiting trees and vines. I live in a fertile valley where we could grow almost anything. Currently I live in a huge house where people can come and stay with me. I have healthy children and can teach them at home. But I don't want to fill this post with all these obvious blessings... today God gave us samples of blueberry muffins, free cookies, rolls of bright pink tape to play with, Cheezits crackers, and then a great rest time in the afternoon! Why are these things significant? Because it was the kids who needed to see God's gifts overflowing and most of these gifts were spoken in a love language they could understand: food and fun. The good rest time was just for me, a pause in the midst of a busy day and a huge gift to me. I love when the house is quiet in the afternoon, I can relax and unwind and prepare for the rest of the day. What a gift! As soon as Andrew got home Josiah rattled off the list of blessings God gave us today. He saw God's promise fulfilled in a personally meaningful way. This was also a gift to me.
So I have experienced, in this little baby step of obedience, that it is not futile to serve the Lord and I hope that as God continues to change me the world will look at my life and they will see a distinction and know that it is Him that makes the difference. And, when it is all said and done, what joy I have in knowing that He considers me his treasured possession.

A Yes Day! part 2

On the way to deliver God's money to our special friends, I instructed the kids that we were looking for people to show God's love to. Anything goes! We prayed for God to provide opportunities and committed ourselves to saying, "YES!" when we saw them.
The first person we encountered was an older gentleman walking along the road just as it was starting to rain. Perfect! I felt safe offering him a ride because he was old enough I didn't feel he posed a threat, plus we were in a public place. I also felt this was a great gift of love because he was obviously shuffling along and didn't have an umbrella. So we pulled around. "Can I give you a ride?!" I called out. He looked at me, scowled, waved his hand toward Walmart and through some other mumbles said, "No." Then he kept on walking. Now I wanted to get out grab him and force him to receive some love but, you'll be proud to know, I held myself back. On to the next victim, err I mean...
Deciding I needed some caffeine to continue on this journey, we pulled into Starbucks. (I had in hand one of the two gift cards I had received over the last couple of weeks!) What do you know, they were doing a water bottle drive for the Union Gospel Mission! So we donated $1.85 of the $3 I had, enough for one bottle. Normally I never give to these things because I'd rather donate directly, but today I said I would say, "Yes."
So we went on an delivered the main gift of the day and as we were on the way home for lunch I saw the Red Cross blood mobile in Roth's parking lot. This is usually something I would never do with the kids. Four littles and needles, lots of waiting, small spaces... these just don't match. But, I said I would say, "Yes." So I signed my name on the waiting list.
"Alright, we'll call your name in about 45 minutes."
45 minutes?!! And that was just to begin the process. The cost is too great! The kids will be bored stiff and causing problems, not to mention hungry. This will never work.
Hey, the details are God's to work out.
"We'll see you in 45 minutes then."
45 minutes gave us just enough time to get free Roth's cookies and go to the bathroom. Then we filled out all the forms and headed to the bus. Sierra said, "Mom, is it time for your blood surgery now?" I guess I had a little more explaining to do for her.
We all stepped into the big bus which felt surprisingly small with the kids clambering around trying to see.
"Um, your kids will have to wait in the front while we do your intake paperwork."
My mind raced. WHAT?!! You want my kids, alone, in the front of a bus filled with needles and other people's blood, not to mention a few strangers? It's already been 45 minutes and they just had cookies! This spells disaster!
Even when things are out of my control, they are under your control Lord.
"Ok, I'll bring them up there and be right back."
Needless to say it was hard to answer intake questions through my prayers, but, after about a half an hour, I made it through this portion, too, and the kids were fine.
The last phase of this blood giving journey was the needle part. The needles don't bother me, though I do experience some pain, but having to lay still while my kids are just yards away is almost unbearable. At this point the kids had been waiting nearly 2 hours for this big event. It was an hour past lunch time, the whole bus was very tight quarters, several people were having vein problems and taking forever, and I wanted to back out of my commitment. But, I said I would say "yes" and I didn't want my "yes" to be a shallow, meaningless gift that I quickly took back from the Lord when tough times came, so we stayed. After a little trouble locating the vein, my blood came quickly; 4 minutes 36 seconds. I asked him if that was a record! (I am sure it came fast because my heart was beating so quickly worrying that the kids, who were now beginning to bicker and fight, were going to really esscillate!). Then, after praying for the recipient of that blood, that was it. We survived.

I never would have done any of these little things because of inconvienence or personal bent, but today I got to experience how much God can do with a bunch of little "yes's". One day the "yes" may be more costly. One day the impact may be bigger. But today, we practiced, oh, and we tested the Lord. Remember it was Malachi 3 that prompted this follow through. How did He throw open the floodgates of heaven? I'll have to get to that... tomorrow.

A Yes Day! part 1

Last week we had two great days of keeping our eyes on Jesus. First we went on a wonderful worship walk. As we walked we allowed everything to prompt praise to God. It was fun to hear what the kids came up with, sometimes following my train of thought, sometimes having simple, yet profound gratefulness, but mostly focused on praising God for all the animals we saw! Hey, whatever, it was all a gift to Him. The next morning I thought, "How can we follow up on that day?" I decided we needed to go on a love journey.
For over a week I had been feeling the Holy Spirit prompting the thought of a dear, Godly family that I know. First it was just joy over their anniversary, then it was a desire to honor their 25 year commitment... but how? The thought popped into my head, $25. I scoffed, why would God want me to give a measly little gift for such a great celebration, but over and over that thought kept pursuing me. Finally one night as I was praying myself to sleep and enjoying some ice water I just had to ask God, "Why $25? It seems ridiculous." Clear as day I heard my answer, "It's not $25, it's $250." In my sleepy state, I felt myself simply respond in my heart, "Ok God." The next morning, when faced with the reality of our financial situation, I felt some strong questioning, "Did that really happen? Surely He doesn't want me to do that much." In true God fashion, what verse do you think I should read that morning?!

Malachi 3:10 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

TEST ME IN THIS. So there I was, at the edge of a decision; take the leap, risk the consequences, and really trust God's promise, or, turn away and follow a more travelled path, one that made a lot more sense on paper, and one that, I must say, was a whole lot wider. So, with tears of complete joy and a heart so full I was about to burst, I gathered God's money and prepared myself to be the deliverer of His gift.

A Woman's Right to Choose

I just finished watching an interview of the single woman who delivered eight babies, making her total children 14. I will agree that she has too much on her plate. I think that collecting honest disability for her autistic child is appropriate and a way to make ends meet for her family and provide for his extra needs. They're not living on much, it's not like she's getting rich through some wild scheme to have tons of babies and collect disability on the ones who need it.

I appreciate that she admitted that she wasn't out to have more than 1 more baby this time - at least she says that in hindsight. I also thought it was interesting that she had 6 embryos implanted each time she conceived the previous children and only once had twins, the others were single births and the rest of the embryos didn't survive.

What fires me up about this whole situation is the anger and hate that has stirred within a nation that supports a woman's "right to choose". It's not called pro-abortion but pro-choice. So, following the choice theme, she should also be supported in her decision to keep all 8 babies. Yes, her road will be hard and more than likely there will be an affect on society. We will all realize that soon enough, mostly those close to her, but I suppose the trickle down affect of our pooled taxes will generally affect all of us, however small it will be. (Fractions of pennies I assume). We will live with her choice and know the consequences of it. We can judge her and tsk tsk the circumstances. Those that are close will have extra burdens in helping these children through life: childcare, money for food, clothes, etc. We will see what affect her choice makes.

On the other hand, we do not know the loss that society has faced in ending a life through abortion. We can't count the cost to society. It can't be judged. Many times we can't even count the cost to the people who have made the choice to abort their unexpected, unwanted child. It's a choice which can't be traced unless the mother, and sometimes the father, choose to describe the burden they quietly carry inside. Even then, the difference will be in the path one life takes and the impact it makes because the other life is gone.

Eight babies were unexpected but life for them was chosen. Chosen! Several of them could have been "selectively reduced". Praise God for their lives. I'm praying that they are healthy and that they kick some butt showing society what an impact a life can have however inconvenient it may be.

When It Rains It Pours... er I Mean...

So, you can probably guess, if 10 chickens, or for that matter 30 chickens, weren't enough then surely one horse was not enough. Today we welcomed Stormy the miniature Appaloosa gelding to our farm.

He is only 2 years old, silvery gray and he and Sugar have quickly become the best of friends. When they first met through the fence, Sugar came running up, whinnied a loud hello and stamped her foot as any independent, spirited woman would. This was the most movement we've seen from Sugar since we got her. Then she sprinted over to the gate where we were leading Stormy in, they both whinnied a lot, danced around some, and then that was it. They were friends. I expected some bickering as they adjusted to each other but there wasn't any. Both are mild mannered and they don't wander more than 5 feet from each other now. I'll have to post another picture later, it was getting dark and that's the best I can do.

Now the work begins. We need to train them to our voice commands, the saddle, and eventually to a cart. Sugar has some experience with the saddle and riders and she's working on obeying voice commands but Stormy has very little experience with any of it. By the way, when I say "we" need to start training, you know of course I mean Andrew. After all this is his venture, I just get the joy of blogging about it.

And that's not all...

We also opened the front pasture up to 6 male alpacas. It's a win-win situation as we've been wondering how we were going to maintain the field and the owners of the alpacas needed extra grazing room for the herd. It's also another opportunity to bring in a little income and get familiar with the animals without the investment of actually buying some.

Josiah and Mia got to hold the lead on two of them but both dropped the ropes when they pulled too hard. Alpacas are stronger than they look and of course they were nervous in the new environment. Unfortunately they could only catch one right away and the other ran off with his lead dragging behind him. They were all in the field, but we didn't want the lead to get him caught up in anything. So, if you're wondering, catching an alpaca isn't easy. Especially when it's their first time in a new field and they've just gotten out of a trailer. Thankfully for me, Sierra needed to go down for a nap at the same time, so I got to watch the comedy unfold from the warmth and vantage point of the house. The couple that brought them over, Andrew, Josiah and Mia were all waving their hands, arms outstretched, forming a semi circle trying to corner them on one end of the field. Those wiley alpacas though, they managed to bob and weave and work their way out of the little trap.

Pacas 1, humans 0.

They tried again, this time with all the leads they had removed from the other alpacas tied into one long rope. The alpacas saw that coming and ran all the way around to the other side of the field.

Pacas 2, humans 0.

Finally, with the extra leverage of a tree in the corner and the extension of a long branch cutting off the get away angle, they got them cornered and were able to grab the lead. Phew!

Game over. Humans win 3-2 with that last second 3 point play! It was great fun to watch!! I was thinking that I actually should have joined in, perhaps that would have sent me into labor. Oh, there's still plenty of time to chase them around.

To top it all off. Josiah found another garter snake, only this one is a lot smaller. He named him Carter. We're keeping him outside in the same little tub we used before. Hopefully he'll last longer than the other one. I'm wondering if a raccoon or some other predator got the last one. Poor thing.

From Ahh! to Aghhh!!! in just 5 Minutes!

This past weekend I had the privilege of joining three wonderful women on a weekend getaway to the coast! It was refreshing. We left Friday afternoon, enjoyed dinner out and catching up, spent all day Saturday at the spa...

...dined in (thank you Jennie!!), and watched all of Pride and Prejudice (yes, the 6 hour awesome version).

I was so blessed by our time together, body and soul breathed "Ahhh" as I headed home.

Then I got home.

The van was gone so I knew everyone was out on some adventure. After all, isn't that what weekends with dad are all about? I knew that while I was gone, Andrew was going to pick up 5 more hens and might consider the rooster that the seller wanted to include in the sale. I also knew this would bring our chicken count up to around 30 and I knew that 30 chickens would look like a lot more than our original 8. But, as I looked around the property something just didn't look right. We had some chickens in the front yard, usually they stay in the back. I thought maybe this was what was throwing me off. But, no, there was something else. I could see some chickens in the backyard, too, and somehow it all just looked like... more.

I called Andrew to let him know several chickens were out in the front yard. You see I'm just not in a state to be running around rounding up chickens and we want them to stay in one central area so we can contain their laying areas and keep them all accounted for. He sounded strange on the phone, like he was waiting for something. He said he was sorry he wasn't home because he wanted to be there when I met the new chickens. What an odd comment I thought.

So, I decided I needed to investigate. I made my way through the barn and saw a couple of baskets hanging on the stall door. "Why would Andrew be decorating with my baskets?" I thought. Oh, maybe it was the girls who did that. I decided to dismiss that. Then I noticed that there was an entire horse stall filled with perches and straw. To my delight there were two eggs in the trough so I grabbed them and continued outside. This is when my, "Ahh!" changed to an "Aghhh!!!!" As far as the eye can see there were chickens... everywhere. I took a little video of my discovery. Please excuse the spacey sounding commentary. I was in shock.



So needless to say, when I left for my weekend getaway we had just finished collecting our first dozen large eggs and a half dozen bantam eggs which we plan to incubate. When I got out of the barn that afternoon I already had 8 eggs in my basket and we found more that night. Our flock is now up to 81 chickens!

I guess we're officially in the egg business. Thankfully that last big purchase included tons of egg cartons so we really are all set. Another thing I'm thankful for... Andrew found an article that said that a chicken community shouldn't be more than 80 as they can't remember more than that many fellow feathered friends and it will cause disruption in the flock. So, phew, I guess we're set.

Busy, busy, busy

We've moved into the rental house and are wrapping up the final details with the old place. It's always great closure for me to clean the house we are leaving. It gives me time to reflect and say goodbye. It was nice this time to get to do so without the kids. Thank you Grandpa Davis! While I cleaned I considered where we've come from these past 3 years, how the kids have grown up and we've all just grown, the things we've endured, and the way we've been changed. It was sure a blessing, even through some of those outrageous trials. I took some pictures of how we'll be leaving it and I'm looking forward to seeing the planned remodeling of the new buyer.

As we move on, unpacking box after box at this new place and we're actually beginning to get settled in, I'm amazed at how God has blessed us in this home. So many details are a perfect fit for our family, more than I ever realized when we first decided to move here. Praise the Lord for his kindness to us.

We've already had a chance to host a few people over night. I love it! First, Andrew's parents came down to help us with the settling and to bring a few more things down from Spokane. They are always so helpful and even in the midst of all the turmoil and chaos of moving and the first days of settling, they were flexible as always. It was a nice shot in the arm to keep us going strong.

Then my Aunt Marcia and cousin Katie came through just briefly. I was so glad we had beds for them to stay in thanks to some kind "donations" from friends and family. It was fun to hang out and catch up with them. Those times always go too fast and I'm thrilled that we had a place for them to stay a while.

I am tired now, but it is that good tired from efforts put toward worthwhile things, not like when you stay up too late watching mind numbing TV or surfing aimlessly on the internet. It's not like when you're pulled from obligation to obligation or are exhausted from overcommitment or imposed deadlines. It's that healthy tired of personal choice and good strong effort, of time spent with valuable people and working on projects and actually accomplishing something. Needless to say, I did stock up on those bottles of Starbucks mochas... just in case.

We keep praying for how God may want to use this house and specifically the basement portion, as it is really a finished, and now furnished, studio apartment. In the meantime we're thrilled to have something to offer people for overnight stays. The views from the house are peaceful and the layout of the house accommodating. We have a good size kitchen with a view, 3 larger bedrooms, a nice living room, also with the view and a space behind the couch that will be used as a play area. There's also an office/homeschooling room, still with that view, and it has plenty of outside room to roam, and a barn for who knows what! On top of all that the commute really is convenient. God, you think of everything!

Well, I'm too tired to catch you up on much and I feel like what I am saying is becoming rambling, half thoughts. I do want to say thanks so much to those that helped us move and those that encouraged us or have been praying us through all this.

God you are so good! Through all the bad times and in these good times you are the same, may my faith and hope remain as steady.

Humbled, Once Again

Ahem. It is through swallowed pride that I must tell you of the blessing I received last night through tears and embittered spirit. Andrew was perusing Craig's List for rental ideas. This made me mad enough as I had already done that and emailed him the ones that I even considered viable options. I "knew" he'd find the worst possible one and insist we move there. Jokingly he said, "Here's one!" (I think he really was joking at first). When I looked at it I was amazed. First of all, it hadn't been there just hours before when I looked. Then, it was within a price range I know we can afford. It was twice the size of our house, not too far a commute (everything seems long once you've lived 2 minutes from work), and even had acreage. I insisted we look at it immediately because I still believed it would be a wreck or something terrible. On a whim we drove the family out to check it out. Immediately we both agreed it would work great. There was plenty of great places to home school and deliver a baby. It was a great space for the kids. We could afford it.
I don't know if our house will really be sold. Until it's a done deal, it's just not a done deal. I don't know if this is the property we're to live at temporarily. But, I do know God showed me that I can settle down and trust him for the other side of this. Enjoying the journey?? Ya, I gotta work on that.

My Encouragement Today

Last night Andrew worked late, really late, so late that it was actually early. I hate those days when I'm anticipating "relief", a change of face for the kids, and someone else to help carry the home load. I wanted to feel bitter since I'd not only been with the kids all day, I'd been in the intensity of teaching them all day. I decided instead that this was a special time with the kids and I wanted to make the most of it. We made it through dinner and headed up for an early preparation for bed then I read several extra books before tucking everyone in for the night. I love when we're reading books. Everyone is so quite and focused. We're sitting close and I think the best part is nobody is thinking about themselves and the injustices their experiencing, their thinking about the books. Anyway, it went well and I was so glad. When I finally went to bed though I was thinking about this particular moment in my life and all the newness of home schooling and the fact that we got an offer on the house last night (though it's one we're not accepting, we will counter it and you never know) and I was contrasting that to the intensity of our lives just a few months ago with all the unknowns and possible huge life changes. During that time it seemed that God just whispered in my ear and that everywhere I turned I was keenly aware of his presence. These days, he seems more distant. I even hear myself checking, "God... are you still there? Do you really have a plan for us?" Thankfully, years ago in a women's group that has eternally blessed me, I learned that God never changes, he is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow. I will have changing emotions and feelings but that doesn't change the truth of who God is. I feel like bread dough that has come through some intense kneading but is now being left to rise. I feel the little yeast buggies doing their job but it's a really slow process and if you're watching it, it doesn't look like much is happening. So, those were my comforting thoughts last night and this morning's devotional was encouragement to take things one step further and fully enter into the peace that God offers. I LOVE WHEN I GET JUST THE ENCOURAGEMENT I NEED AND IT NEVER FAILS THAT IT IS THERE WHEN I SEEK IT. Thank you Lord for this from Proverbs 31 Ministries:

A favorite Bible passage of mine is in Ezekiel 47 where the prophet
experiences a vision of God’s temple. He is shown the Temple by a heavenly host
– perhaps an angel, or perhaps even Christ Himself. Out of this Temple, past
it’s altar, flowed a stream of water that became a massive river. Read for
yourself Ezekiel’s experience there:

“Then the man brought me back to the
entrance of the Temple. There I saw a stream flowing eastward from beneath the
Temple threshold. This stream then passed to the right of the altar on its south
side. The man brought me outside the wall through the north gateway and led me
around to the eastern entrance. There I could see the stream flowing out through
the south side of the east gateway.
Measuring as he went, he led me
along the stream for 1,750 feet and told me to go across. At that point the
water was up to my ankles. He measured off another 1,750 feet and told me
to go across again. This time the water was up to my knees. After another 1,750
feet, it was up to my waist. Then he measured another 1,750 feet, and the
river was too deep to cross without swimming.
He told me to keep in
mind what I had seen; then he led me back along the riverbank. Suddenly, to
my surprise, many trees were now growing on both sides of the river! Then he
said to me, ‘This river flows east through the desert into the Jordan Valley,
where it enters the Dead Sea. The waters of this stream will heal the salty
waters of the Dead Sea and make them fresh and pure. Everything that touches the
water of this river will live. Fish will abound in the Dead Sea, for its waters
will be healed. Wherever this water flows, everything will live.’” (Ezekiel
47:1-9, NLT)

Are you feeling overwhelmed with problems, projects or decisions
today? Are you feeling mentally drained, physically spent, or spiritually numb?
Take a dip with me into the river of God, the river of healing, and be awakened
to life in God. Let this living water flow over, into, and through you today –
for wherever this water flows, everything will live.

Dear Lord,
forgive me of my sins and plunge me deep into Your river! This is where I
want to be. Cover me, wash me, cleanse me, heal me, and purify me. Make me
spiritually alive and in tune with You today. In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You
Know Him?

Try a Girlfriends
Get-A-Way Cruise with members of P31 Ministries

Visit Rachel Olsen’s
blog

God’s
Purpose for Every Woman: A P31 Devotional Gen Eds. Lysa TerKeurst &
Rachel Olsen

Application Steps:
Spend a few minutes in
prayer, imagining yourself walking into the river of God. Feel the presence of
God wash over you as you turn your heart towards Him and receive cleansing from
His living water.

Plan a trip to a local swimming spot and get some
exercise as you contemplate living water. Invite a friend to come along, and
tell them about the river of God described in Ezekiel
47.

Reflections:
Have I touched this river of life?
Everything that touches it will live (vs. 9).

Have I gone beyond
sticking my toes in – have I walked in far enough to be
submerged?

Power Verses:
Revelation 22:1-2, “And the angel
showed me a pure river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from
the throne of God and of the Lamb, coursing down the center of main street. On
each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, with
a fresh crop each month. The leaves were used for medicine to heal the nations.”
(NLT)