Mother's Day

This Mother's Day I first want to send a special note of love to the women who long to be a mother but who have not received that blessing, or who want more kids and for years that has not happened, or the women who are grieving the loss of their child this year. I do not take lightly the gift that my children are. I know too many of you who may feel disappointed that this year wasn't the year you get to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother. I remember the first Mother's Day after Faith had died, I was so sensitive. Are they going to have the mother's stand up? Do I count? What if they hand out the carnations? Should I take one? It could have been a more difficult day but there were several people that took the time to specifically remember me and honor me as Faith's mother. I'm guessing it was hard for them to decide if they should do anything or not. There was probably fear that they would bring up sadness or maybe make me cry. But quite the opposite was true, well not on the crying part but that couldn't be helped! The cards I received were such a blessing, simply because I was remembered.

So, inspired by the memory of those loving gestures, I want to hold my glass up to the women who are mother's at heart and to those who have been asked over and over again, "When are you going to have another one?" and have to try to respond graciously and to those who were expecting to bring a child home this year and it didn't happen.

Psalms 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Thank you for sharing with me your pain and disappointment and, though you carry this burden in your heart, it does not define your life and that is an inspiration.

I do want to honor my mother, my grandmother, and my mother-in-law today, too!

Our last "generational picture" taken in the spring of 2005. Phyliss, Linda, Christy, Mia & Sierra "in the oven".

Thank you mom for teaching me early on the importance of transparency, the depth of God's grace, the ability to change old patterns of behaviors, and the power to transform a mistake into an opportunity for growth just by asking for forgiveness. These tools have been invaluable to me in my parenting. Thank you for the millions of things you do to help me, support me, and encourage me. I'm glad we have a close relationship.

My Mom and Grandma at the Oregon coast in 2005.

Grandma, thank you for desiring to know us more and have a strong connection despite the miles we've always had between us. I still remember the summers visiting you guys, swimming in the pool, getting to give you your insulin shots, and being the star attraction when you showed us around to your phone company coworkers! The family meals together when the "Galeazzi girls" got together were the beginnings of my attraction to large families. Even more so when we visited Iron Mountain and hung out with all the extended relatives. I love it! Thank you for singing for the "old folks" and for caring for Auntie Ann and Uncle John. Your example of honoring and caring for our elders is much needed in our society.

My Mother-in-law Joan, last summer in Ione.

And, Joan this Easter, leading the kids in Resurrection Eggs.

Joan, thank you for including me in the family immediately. I've loved the family reunions and get togethers since before I was even family! Thank you for your example of sacrificial love and service. You're also a great example of being flexible, going with the flow, and making the most of the moment. From you I've learned to make a good plan but always be prepared to re-plan. Also, I must take a moment to acknowledge your ability to make the best sandwiches, salads, and cookies and to resourcefully use those leftovers!

Happy Mother's Day!

Bringing Up a Boy

Josiah's creative abilities have always impressed me. He has always been fully in costume for whatever role he's played. In the above picture he was leading an expedition to Bush Park and I asked the kids to pose in the field of pretty purple flowers. He needed it to be a hunting pose.

Here he is at 3 1/2 as a Rescue Hero, complete with yellow rubber boots which you can't quite see, saving a puppy!

I had kind of a natural looking display on top of the entertainment center (don't mind the dust!). Josiah thought it would be best to add his hunting Warrior figurine to complete the picture. He was so thrilled with the idea that I had to allow it.

It's just funny how uniquely different boys are than girls. I'm so glad God gave us a boy and I love the big brother that he is to the girls.

Just now he asked me if he could take the walkie talkies outside. He is in full camo gear, head to toe, and is "hunting" from up in the apple tree.

"Who are you going to walkie, talkie to?" I asked.

"No one!" he said enthusiastically. "It's just to throw people off my trail. They'll hear me talking over there, but really it's just the other walkie talkie, and they'll never know where I really am."

"Well, of course you can use the walkie talkies. It sounds like you really need them."

Unfortunately my camera battery died so I don't have a picture of the hunter, undercover, scouting for prey. He thought it was probably better not to waste a picture because he is so camouflaged that people would think it's just a picture of the tree. He's probably right.

Sisters

Mia, whose own hair is falling in her face, took it upon herself to straighten out Sierra's mop. She got out the squirt bottle and completely dowsed her, brushed through the rats, then let her pick out her favorite pony tail holders and got to work. Sierra sat patiently through the whole ordeal, enjoying the attention from her big sister I'm sure, and Mia was so gentle, I was really impressed. It's moments like these that I'm so glad my girls have each other as sisters.

Still Wrestling

I may have touched on this before and maybe it's just more depth into the realization for me, but I feel the need to confess some fears and doubts. I find power in confession. What I keep in secret Satan is able to use as a toe hold in my life and a beat me over the head stick. Too quickly, when I keep things a secret that God has revealed to me, I lose sight of the revelation. Well, on with it.

In 1998 & 99, when I was pregnant with Faith, I initially felt that things were what they were. I was dealt the "extra-chromosome-incompatible-with-life" card. How I dealt with it was where my faith had the opportunity to grow. I really wrestled with praying for healing because it wasn't an illness to recover from, so my response was to just trust God's outcome and leave it in his hands. I was then approached by a woman who increased my vision of who God was and how awesome his capabilities were. God was knitting Faith together, he could remove that strand of extra chromosomes throughout her body. But I felt like it was like praying for someone who's already died. Yes, Jesus rose from the dead and while he was on earth he raised a few people from the dead. Does he still raise people from the dead? That was where I was challenged to go. That God is who He was. That thought was incomprehensible, but I walked in it anyway and was blessed for it. So when Faith died and I saw her imperfect body, I knew the answer to my "Will you fix her, Lord?" was, "No." What I sometimes wonder is, was that just part of God's plan, something greater that I'll understand later? Was it a result of a sin laden, imperfect world? Or, did I lack faith? Was there too much doubt in my pleadings to God? Did I hold him back at arms reach and say, "Ok, do what you can."

I know there were times I had great faith, and there were times I was consumed by doubt. I really related to Peter, walking on water and then nearly drowning, within minutes of each other.

I guess my confession is that I still don't fully trust God to move us to the camp and wrap up all the details in the sale of the business and bring a buyer for our house. It's crazy, but these things seem impossible and I'm afraid to hope for such an awesome ministry and a great lifestyle to raise our children in. Beyond that, I even tend to doubt that if we get there we'll even be able to make if financially! On a more personal note, I doubt I'll find a doctor as wonderful as Dr. Morgan, and how can I deliver a baby without my mom and Vicki cheering me on. How could we find a church as great as Salem Alliance?

I think doubts and fears are normal but as we mature and keep giving them to God we experience him meeting us over and over in the midst of them. The more we know him, the less power they have. This is where Satan comes in to slow down our faith growth. He adds weight to the doubts and fears and clouds our picture of who God is.

So, here is my perspective now. God said, "No" to our raising Faith at every step of the pregnancy. From the first ultrasound, to the in depth ultrasound at Emmanuel Lutheran Hospital, to the amniocentesis results, to the very low estimated birth weight, to the heart that had stopped beating, and finally to her lifeless body. Being before God asking for healing and searching the Bible for direction allowed me a new depth of understanding and a close walk with God during that time. Though the answer was "No" I benefited greatly.

Now with the camp, God has actually continued to say, "Yes" at each turn. From the accepted offer, to the loan for the camp, to the buyer found for the business, to the acceptance with American Missionary Fellowship, and even down to the encouragement and support from friends and family. I am still before God asking for his favor and searching the Bible for direction, but Satan constantly reminds me of the possibility that all this could go away, and our sale and deal are still not 100%. Honestly, each time I gain confidence, a new obstacle comes that really sets me back, but we've never faced a closed door. Satan tells me, "This is just like when you had Faith and look at that outcome!" I see how different this is than that. I don't believe this is purely another learning experience, though there has been tons of that! I also know I will see it all more clearly in a couple of months. I believe we are being prepared for action and I'm trusting God for the many details that I can't control.

Spring Has Sprung

We've had a few more nice days lately and the kids and I have gotten outside to enjoy it! Sierra really enjoys the swing and Josiah and Mia play all kinds of make believe games. I've been able to get out and pick some weeds and try to spruce things up a bit. At the Ag Fest a couple of weekends ago we were given a living necklace which consisted of a kidney bean wrapped in a water soaked cotton ball and sealed in a tiny ziplock bag then strung on some yarn. We waited the necessary 5 days and then planted them in a pot. Well it's been warm enough for them to begin to sprout, which was a very exciting moment for all of us. We're using a squirt bottle to water the little sprouts so the kids don't drown them. Mia's comment was the best though, "Well, it looks like it's gonna be broccoli." I told her we'd have to wait and see.

The kids continue to find bugs around the yard and I keep encouraging them that their homes are outside and they'd be sad if we brought them in to live with us. It's also important that we let the lady bugs do their jobs of eating the bad bugs so our plants will be healthier. Reluctantly they've left them outside... at least as far as I know!

We also got to see a unique phenomenon at the local Lowe's store. As we were leaving the store Josiah informed me that he knew what all that caution tape was for. I didn't even know what caution tape he was talking about, but as he continued to tell me something about some bees an adult overheard and filled in the story. I guess it was just warm enough for the bees to start coming out begin working on a hive, but this crazy weather caused it to cool again so they stopped their work, and clustered together to keep warm and survive until the next warm up. Originally they were on the bar-b-que's, which was not good for business I'm sure, but then they moved to a tree branch in the parking lot. The Lowe's people just roped off the area around that tree and thankfully the bee guy is coming out today to take care of them. I assume that means move them to a new location where everyone will be safe and sound. After all, aren't we supposed to be worried about the bees well being this year and how it affects our crops?

FAIR WARNING: The following is not for the super faint of heart, nor lovers of turkey's in general.

It is with regret that I must inform you all that a turkey has finally lost it's life at the hand of my brother. He informed us he had a "full proof" plan, I had to clarify that he meant to say "fool proof", just to be sure. Upon scrutinizing the plan I decided that it did fall into the former category but, since I was not invited along nor was I expected to fulfill any roles, I decided that he and my dad would have to figure out how to make the plan fully fool proof without my help. The plan was for my brother to camp out and keep quiet with the gun poised and ready to shoot while my dad went around the backside of the gaggle (is that what they call a group of turkey's... or is that geese? ...anyway!) and he was to chase them up toward my brother to meet their pending demise. Walking towards a loaded, aimed gun?? That doesn't sound like the safest, most fool proof plan I've ever heard. Strangely my dad didn't seem to have a problem with it. Well, his plan did finally come together at the end of the day and although my dad had quite a work out chasing down the foul at least he didn't get shot which was my biggest concern.

Thoughtful Uncle David brought the carcass by for the kids to examine. They were so excited I could hardly keep them from gouging the eye out of the socket and Josiah is convinced he wants to shoot a turkey now, too. They all begged for feathers as souvenirs and Uncle David said he would save some for them.

2008 Awesome 3000

The Awesome 3000 is a city wide race for kids that raises money for grants that Salem-Keizer educators can apply for. When it started there were 380 some participants. This year there were 2960!! We had two strong runners from our family compete, as well as many friends from church and school. It's a fun event with many high school students volunteering to warm up the kids and run along side them during the race. Grandpa Davis and Grandma Linda came to cheer on the kids and help keep the ones not running entertained!

Josiah ran very well and finished in the top 10 along with his good friend Boston. Just like last year, he really looked like he was having fun, which is the best part of the whole thing!

Mia started running her race with dad but then left him in the dust part way through. He says he wanted her to have the satisfaction of finishing by herself. He walked in. She declared herself the winner.

Sierra enjoyed riding on Grandpa's neck and playing with rocks during the races, but afterwards she ran all the way home, even up derby hill! We cheered for her, too.

I was proud as a peacock of my kids but there were some other kids there that really stole the show. The special needs group ran the leg right before Mia's and I bawled through the whole run. A teenage boy pushed another boy in a wheel chair, he may have had cerebral palsy, and they had a blast poppin' wheelies and just going as fast as they could. I'm not sure they were related, but in my mind they were brothers that had found something fun they could do together, and do well. They were the first ones across the finish line. Then there was a little girl who looked like she may have had down syndrome and she was running so fast and high fiving all the volunteers. She even ran off course to give one guy a hug. Her smile was the biggest and I knew she was having a blast.

The last boy to cross the finish line had a walker that he was strapped into from behind and it kept him upright with his arms and legs free to run. He was determined to do this race fully by himself although he had his team of volunteers and family surrounding him and cheering him the whole way. His effort was amazing considering how difficult it was for his feet to get a grip and actually propel him straight forward. Occasionally someone from his group would straighten out his wheels so he'd keep heading in the right direction. He was in last place by a long shot but his smile was so huge as he approached the finish line. It was a big goal he'd set and he did it, all by himself, no one ever gave him even the slightest push. It would have been easier to quit or to never begin, instead he took the challenge and met it. At the end they were pointing at the finish line and telling him "You did it!! You did it!!". The lady that placed his medal around his neck, knelt down and honored him like a hero. And he was.

Guess What?

Lately I've been blogging my way through some pretty intense emotions, trying to share with you as I'm right in the midst of struggle. We've all heard testimonies from the perspective of the other side of the trial. That perspective is helpful in reminding us that all things will work together for good, one way or another, because we can hear how God has blessed them after it's all said and done. It's true that once we're through the trial our perspective is much clearer, often we can see God's plan as we look back, something that's impossible when we're trying to look forward and guess how things will work out. I've found that God is much closer and speaks much clearer when I'm in the midst of a trial. The truth of his word penetrates much deeper into my heart. It's not like the plan is revealed but the instructions for the moment are to trust, remember who God is, and to allow his peace to settle in my heart rather than worry and fear.

So, recently we've had some more news that we couldn't have predicted or planned.

We've wanted more kids for a while now, but the timing just hasn't seemed right with all the change we'll be going through. Believe me we're very happy but, I have to admit, we're also shaking our heads wondering, "Can we handle this?" God says, "My grace is sufficient for you." Good! Because I'm sure I'll need it. :) This baby is expected to arrive mid-December. Merry Christmas to me!!!

The kids are just thrilled! It's been fun to pray with them for our newest Nordstrom. They are very passionate about praying for the baby's health and that it would be born alive. They know that things were not like that when Faith was born. It's so fun to hear our prayers for them mimicked in their prayers for their sibling. Josiah prayed that the baby would grow to be a man (or woman) of God, something we've prayed often for them. Of course, he is praying for a boy, but always adds that he will take a girl, too, just that it would be healthy.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving us the desire of our hearts despite our circumstances. I can't wait to meet this new person! I pray along with the kids that this baby would be healthy and strong, smart and beautiful, and that he or she would come to know you early in their life and be used for your glory. Thank you for Faith and the place she'll always have in our hearts. Thank you for Josiah, Mia and Sierra and how colorful and beautiful they make our family. Thank you that you will sustain us through the long nights and tired days, and strengthen us for all that tomorrow holds.