Yesterday was a day that I was filled with frustration and discouragement. I felt like we were being attacked and like our integrity was being wrongly questioned. Honestly, I felt like God had abandoned us to battle on by ourselves. Sadly, in my own desperation, I tend to turn to Andrew and demand answers and direction from him. Uh... we're in the same boat, in the same storm, it's God that holds the answers for both of us, not each other. I think I did better this time at allowing him to experience the storm without having to carry me on his back as well.
It's so odd to know the truth that we're not alone yet to feel so utterly abandoned. That's the thing about feelings though, they are easily manipulated and very untrustworthy. The truth is as solid as a rock, dependable and completely trustworthy. So, though I admit I was focusing on the storm there for a while and was feeling overwhelmed, today I am again looking into my Father's eyes as he continues to instruct me to trust him regardless of what does or doesn't happen today... or tomorrow... or even the next day. I'm very grateful for his patience and steadfastness.
I did read into the Psalms for quite a while yesterday and cried out with the Psalmist my anguish as well as my desire to experience God's closeness again and to witness his actions in regard to the sale of the business and purchase of the camp. In my emotional whirlwind I set my jaw, stamped my foot, pointed my finger, I cried, I yelled, I bought Moose Tracks ice cream, I even rebelled and watched The Bachelor on TV just to vegetate my mind. After all that I felt the Lord, as my perfect heavenly Father, take me by the shoulders, look deeply into my eyes, and with a firm voice say, "That's enough. Trust me." There's no rejection in those words, only leadership. And, I had the opportunity to respond again to him, "Yes, Lord."