Thursday, May 22, 2008

Closed Doors

Yesterday was my first doctors appointment. 11 weeks along and I was ready to hear that little heartbeat and have some confirmation that things were going along smoothly. After waiting for 45 minutes, I did not get to see my doctor. The doctor that I have highly recommended to all my friends and family. The doctor that delivered Mia and Sierra. The wonderful doctor that last time allowed me to come to her despite the fact that we had no insurance. This time, though, is different. She wants to enforce her policy of mandatory insurance coverage. She would not see me yesterday; no heartbeat confirmation, no blood tests, no urinalysis. Even if I quickly got insurance there were no appointments available for over 2 weeks. I cried.

I really feel like I've had the best doctor and now I'm forced to look for someone else, someone, presumably, that is less than the best. It was quite a hit to my already hormonal, emotional state. Even while I was working on cooling down my red puffy eyes before I left the doctors office, the thought hit me that this tie was being severed so I could let it go and commit myself to Newport and whatever doctor God has for me there. After talking to my dear, wise friend, who I'm glad will always be only a phone call away, I was reminded that I have been praying for doors to close according to God's will. That's true, only my thought was, if they were to close, they would be closing in Newport not in Salem. Not only did this door close in Salem but a few doors opened in Washington. The first one was insurance. Given our tight budget in buying the camp, I was concerned about adding the costs of having another baby and trying to get insurance while I'm already pregnant. With our income to expense ratio at the camp, I learned that we should quite easily qualify for Washington's First Steps program, a state insurance program that will cover all my prenatal and delivery expenses and covers the baby for the first year, too. I was also encouraged that there are several general practitioners in Newport that deliver babies and the hospital has decent delivery rooms with jacuzzi tubs, or I can choose go to Spokane for an OB/GYN. That gives me some things to think about anyway.

Well, through all this, the thing Andrew wanted me to take away is that it's time to start saying "Goodbye" and plan on leaving in just a few days (16 to be exact!). All things have been saying, "Yes we're going" and if something changes we'll cross that bridge then. I cried again. It's been hurry up and wait for so long, I can't believe it's just around the corner and I keep thinking that something is going to happen to take it all away. Another friend said it's like, by not looking forward to and planning on the move, I'm trying to protect myself from getting disappointed if it doesn't happen. Oh me of little faith.

Well, I guess there's plenty of work to do, both on my heart and on the house so I should wrap this up. By the way, God has provided an alternative doctor here in Salem who accepts self pay patients. I'll be able to see her twice before I leave, and yes, I'll get to listen for the heartbeat next week! Also, they only see patients up to 24 weeks so I can't put down any roots with them.

Please remember us in your prayers as there is a lot to do and a lot going on and I don't want to rush through the last moments here in Salem. Thank you.


Anonymous said...

You have a legacy of growing faith all around you . . . Eastern WA welcomes you! And we know, only a phone call away from all that is behind you! Lord knows how often that phone has rung in the last 9 years. Be strong in the Lord, we are praying for all of you . . . Jennie W.

momaof4 said...

Answer to prayer comes in different way's doesn't it. Amazing.

We are praying for you!! The little ones are welcome any time to come and play while you get loose ends caught up.

Love your blog!!! I will love reading it even more once you have moved. God has amazing things for you!!!

SLMW8MAN said...

God has wonderful plans for you.

Lord, lift me above my own narrow horizons, that I might fulfill your true vision for me. - B.J. Hoff