Monday, June 9, 2008

Letting Him Lead

It's late at night but I felt compelled to give you a bit of an update on the camp situation. Honestly I've been avoiding blogging because we're still in limbo land and those blogs are getting more painful to write. We've been waiting so long for things to fall into place so that we can close our deal on the camp and move on up there. These emotions are overwhelming as we wait and wait to see how God's plan will unfold. It's like the time after a medical test when you're waiting for your life changing results. Or each month, when you've been trying to get pregnant for years, and you wonder, "Is this the month our lives change forever?" Or when you've interviewed for your dream job, given it your best shot and then you wait and wait for that call back. It's agonizing, painful, powerless. I think the powerlessness is the hardest part. At the root of everything, I want to be in control. I had to confess to God tonight, that rather than following him, right now, I'm trying to get behind him and force him down the road that I see as the best choice. Following is a weak position to be in. There is no control and most of the time it's hard to even see the path because mostly I just see my leader. Oh, but isn't that the point! Because when I am weak, then I am strong. Strong because I'm following a powerful leader, my steps can be sure. Strong because my mind doesn't have to work so hard, I just have to focus on the leader. Strong because my heart can be confident that this is the best route, my leader has proven himself over and over throughout history and in my own life.

What a blessing that I know these things. When life gets crazy and the trail a bit rough, I have truth to hang onto. In these moments where I am powerless the truth starts flooding back to my mind through songs and old hymns, Bible verses and testimonies. Sometimes God whispers the truth to me in beautiful pictures in my mind and if I focus on him and allow him to get my attention I can even hear the truth more clearly.
God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. He's so
good to me.

He is so good to me. He has my best in mind.

When peace like a river attendeth my soul. When sorrows like sea
billows roll. Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, "It is
well. It is well with my soul."

You have taught me Jesus. Let your peace flow over my anxious soul. Whatever my lot dear Lord, whatever you have planned.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future."

Yes, Lord, your plans are good and you've known them forever! I trust your plans for us.

I long to tell you amazing news of what God is doing in our lives outwardly, but for now we continue on waiting to see what that is. I can tell you he is doing mighty works in our lives inwardly. Though I know that's not as dramatic a story to tell, it is the critical piece of his puzzle.

My prayer is that you know the truth. Life is far too confusing to try to navigate it alone. Not only that but we have an enemy who's desire is to get us off track, keep our eyes off our leader, and fill our hearts with lies.

No comments:

Lord, lift me above my own narrow horizons, that I might fulfill your true vision for me. - B.J. Hoff